


Facing Insecurity

by ScifiSOS



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Somewhat Fluffy, somewhat angsty, somewhat silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 16:52:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3177338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScifiSOS/pseuds/ScifiSOS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I suck at titles. But not for the lack of trying to do better.</p><p>Ghewen Lavellan asks Solas a question. Solas is surprised at her insecurity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Facing Insecurity

**Author's Note:**

> Ghewen Lavellan, in this story, is not Inquisitor. But comes from the same clan.
> 
> Physical description: long wavy blond hair - head shaved on the right side. Gold eyes, small nose. She looks like the wind can take her if it whooshes hard enough. [still working on a character sheet really]
> 
> I'm still working on her backstory too - which is why she seems unclear. And her personality. I'm testing the waters. I like the idea that she enjoys sex and she is not ashamed of her past with sex. And I imagine Dalish don't have the luxury to whine about privacy when it comes to bathes and using the "toilet". 
> 
> Also **warning:** its 4AM and I haven't had a wink of sleep. That means this shit be crappy. Also slight spoilers regarding Solas. I try to make it as vague as possible on some things but its still obvious. AND you may want to be aware of some language. Like me butchering elven if my attempt is still in there. I got all my info on elven here: http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Elven_language
> 
> If anyone knows where else I can go to learn the elven and qunari languages :U let me know. ...I have a few days off =w= gives me something fun to do.

“Why don't you want to have sex with me?”

Solas blinked before looking away from the book he had been reading. The other elf stared at him from his couch.

“Ex…cuse me?” He responded. His mind not quite done with storing information from what his heart said.

“Whyyyyy dooonnn’t youuuu wannnnnt-“

“I understood you perfectly.” He pressed his lips tightly, fighting his irritation of being interrupted during reading. Perhaps he was wrong in hoping she would not disturb him during his studies - again. He opened his mouth to respond-

“Is it because I'm unattractive to you?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. 

“No- wait stupid question. You are obviously attracted to me. You wouldn't be with me otherwise.” He looked at her to see that she had gotten up just to deposit herself on his desk. He frowned. 

“Ghewen, I'd appreciate if you avoid wrinkling my notes.”

She ignored him. “Is it because I'm not a virgin?”

Solas gave her a blank stare. He sighed before answering. “I can assure you I would have no right to get mad at your lack of virginity.” 

“Right and you knew I wasn’t. You had to know what you were getting into. I even invited you to a foursome with Bull and Taevan.” Ghewen sniggered. “You looked horrified and slightly interested at the same time.”

His lips twitched at that. “I think anyone would be slightly curious and horrified when an oversized Qunari is involved.” He smiled when she giggled. 

He frowned when she asked in a small voice, a voice unlike her. “Is it because I’m Dalish?”

He turned his chair towards her. Her eyes a bit watery. He felt guilt at leaving her in the dark about him and his past. He felt guilt that it is what truly weighed his actions and decisions. He placed his hands over her fiddling ones. “Ghewen…”

She pulled away her hands and got off the desk to pace nervously. “I wasn't born into the Dalish, you know?”

He blinked, surprised. He didn't know, he never thought to ask. She usually spoke freely that he never noticed that she hardly talked to him about her clan. He didn't get to respond before she continued.

“I love the clan, really I do. They saved me. I would be dead if it was not for them. However, while they have grown to love me as family – they still doubt me. They make me doubt me. Vayla was supposed to be the first and if anything happened to her-.” Ghewen paused. “I was to be the First instead. I am going to end up as such if we make it through all this. If Vayla decides to stay here…by the Creators, I can't bear it if you thought less of me because I am Dalish. If you doubt how much I care for you because you are not Dalish.”

Solas got up and gripped her arm gently when she came near. She froze. “Ma vhenan.” He whispered. “I may not agree with what the Dalish do or what they believe, but I do not hate them.”

“But they bother you, don’t they? You always seem bothered when dealing with them. Do I bother you?” She asked looking down at her feet. Solas felt as if she had reverted into an insecure child. Surrounded by scrutiny by her own kind at a young age – simply for not being born into the clan. She was not looking at him. Ghewen has never shied away from any contact during the time he has known her. She is never afraid of disapproval. A confident, beautiful, amazing woman acting ashamed for who she is.

He felt a wave of anger towards her clan and even towards himself for his behavior towards them but smothered it down. Anger is not what she needed right now. With that in mind, he gently gripped her chin and lifted her head so he could meet her lips. She shuddered at the contact and he drew her body closer to him, wrapped his other arm around her- hoping to reassure her. 

He still held her chin as he broke the kiss. Her eyes were half-lidded and she leaned forward. He gave several small kisses to her, smiling against her lips on their last lingering kiss. He felt her hands fiddling lazily with his necklace. Still a bit insecure then. 

“I promise. You only bother me in the best way.” She looked up at him unsure. “Who else would save me from these hordes of ‘boring books’ that take up my day? Drag me from my studies to have a decent lunch? Insist that I need ‘outside time’ even though I've been traveling most my life?”

She laughed. His heart skipped a beat when she smiled at him. She hummed happily, and planted him with a few pecks. 

“As to answer your question…”

She did not freeze, didn't cower, she continued to smile up at him -ready for his answer. 

“I’m simply…It has been a long time since…”

She giggled. “Look at you! It seems you regained your virginity. The Great Hermit Mage fumbling over words like a young boy.”

He exaggerated his sigh. “Yes, it seems I am fated to be a virgin forever, ma vhenan, I have been cursed.”

“Aw, my poor baby. Let Ghewen kiss it better.” She said before giving his cheeks wet, sloppy kisses along. He tried to get away but he couldn’t escape one last lick along his nose. 

He gently shoved her away. “Fenedhis!” He wiped his face on his sleeves. He wished to glare at her but she is laughing and she is beautiful and if only-

He quietly pulls her into another embrace. She melted into him all too easily and it broke his heart because one day- 

“I…cannot….give myself to you. I have reasons. I'm not…” _I'm not who you think I am. What you think I am. _His mouth clench shut. His mind and heart screaming at each other. He couldn't do anything but tightened his hold on her.__

__She nuzzled her face into his shoulder. “I wouldn't judge you. I wouldn't leave you.”_ _

__“You do not know that.”_ _

__“Neither can you. No one is all seeing.”_ _

__“I…can’t. Ma vhenan, Ar nuvenin– ** _I need_** -“ His words caught at the back of his throat and he opted for hiding his face against her neck. __

He felt a kiss pressed into his shoulder. “I won't force you to do or say anything. I only pressed today because I felt…insecure.” 

He pulled back to look at her face. “You should never be ashamed of who you are. I do speak harshly of the Dalish and many others. If I ever gave you the impression that I detested that part of you then I apologize.” Solas watched her for any signs of disbelief but found none. “I admire you, ma vhenan. You are able to confront your insecurities and problems only to come out stronger. Never changed or doubt yourself because of me or anyone.” 

Ghewen tilted her head and smiled at him. His eyes wandered along her features. Her hair, her eyes, her lips, and even her Vallaslin…he memorized her face, the feel of her body against him. He’ll miss it, in the end. He’ll miss her. But he shouldn't. He can't. He must right his wrongs. He'd only drag her down - or worse get her killed if she followed him down his path. 

“-are you even listening to meEEEE?!” She shrieked as he dipped her. “Sol—MMMMPHmmmm.” 

“Solas, my dear bald friend, I believe in return as acting like your personal librarian and delivery boy...I would like to make request to not blind me with your heartwarming displays of affection. They are truly horrifying!” An amused voice called from above. 

The two elves did not respond until they broke away from each other. Solas helped steady Ghewen before looking up at the Tevinter mage. “Why, Dorian, had I known that your aid came with such a requirement – I'd have fetched the books myself.” 

“Oh you know us Vints, everything comes with a price and all.” 

Ghewen giggled and looked up. “Hey Dorian, I have another solution for you.” 

“Oh, does this involve a fivesome with eggy now?” 

“What did you just call me?” 

“Oh Ha-Ha-Ha. Very Funny.” 

“I live to entertain.” 

“I'll shine Solas’s head and then we'll see what really blinds you!” 

“Ghewen, have you been comparing my head to an egg?” 

“What – no! Yes? Maybe?” 

“HA! You should have seen her last week, drunk off her ass talking about her egghead and Qunari cocks.” 

A loud sigh. “Do I want to know?” 

“NO!” “YES!” 

Solas rubbed his forehead in exasperation but looked at her and smiled. He will treasure their time now and these memories will always be precious to him in the future. When all of this is over… _or perhaps in another world…_

**Author's Note:**

> I would think, if you weren't inquisitor in the game, Solas would seriously considering telling Lavellan. However, in the end, he does not. Simply because he believes she should not be dragged down with him - if that is the case.
> 
> I also think he wouldn't shy away from sex or nudity. However, it has been a long time for him and because he has his secrets. I imagine that he can't let Ghewen give herself to him and him give himself wholly, even though he has given his heart somewhat, knowing he will leave.
> 
> I referenced another recent oneshot I did near the end. You don't really need to read it to understand the whole story. 
> 
> And by no means is being a virgin wrong. But in a world like Thedas - it's probably a rare thing. Perhaps mocked too. I mean...that demon in um...that cold place with a keep and the demon [mind is blank sorry] said he had no idea why he kept offering them when he can't find any. Virginity is a concept when you're younger. Once you can wrap your head around it, it becomes a choice. And I respect those who make that choice. So I apologize if my writing attacks anyone in any way.


End file.
